I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
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