Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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