aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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