My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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