Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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