we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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