I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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