the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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