TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
