So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Mom said you looked used
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
