I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize