me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
