Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
