Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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