Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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