Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
