I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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