I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
