He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
