i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
