remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
