thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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