Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
