You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
