So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
