You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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