think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
