It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize