Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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