I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
