I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
