how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i think i have two assholes
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Randomize
