In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
