Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
