Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
