Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
