sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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