i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
