I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
