Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
