I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
did you just send me my own nude
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
