it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
