I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
