For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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