He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
