worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
