I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
