Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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