maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
