i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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