New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
