dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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