just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
we're so committed to being not committed
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
