The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
