he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
