hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
