just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
