Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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