At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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