Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
