My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
