Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
