do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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