evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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